1 00:00:00,599 --> 00:00:02,898 I'm very much a creature of habit. 2 00:00:02,917 --> 00:00:05,208 Perhaps it's a trait I got from my father. 3 00:00:05,292 --> 00:00:07,557 Every night he would go through the mail, 4 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,526 and every night, like clockwork, 5 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,253 he would get very cranky. 6 00:00:11,337 --> 00:00:13,596 - Damn bills. - George. 7 00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:16,854 You'd think he'd get used to it, 8 00:00:17,196 --> 00:00:20,988 but night after night it upset him all over again. 9 00:00:21,072 --> 00:00:23,080 Jury duty? Son of a... 10 00:00:23,164 --> 00:00:24,503 George. 11 00:00:24,935 --> 00:00:27,058 It was complicated. 12 00:00:27,662 --> 00:00:29,721 I didn't like seeing him upset, 13 00:00:29,805 --> 00:00:32,425 but what can you do? I love consistency. 14 00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:35,301 IRS? This can't be good. 15 00:00:35,385 --> 00:00:36,675 Sure it can. 16 00:00:36,759 --> 00:00:38,644 When is the IRS ever good? 17 00:00:38,728 --> 00:00:40,683 Perhaps they're writing to congratulate me 18 00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,862 on filing such a beautiful tax return. 19 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,615 - What's it say? - Okay. Not so bad. 20 00:00:45,699 --> 00:00:47,735 We owe four dollars and 22 cents. 21 00:00:47,820 --> 00:00:48,837 What? 22 00:00:48,922 --> 00:00:51,032 - That could've been worse. - Yeah, tell me about it. 23 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:52,230 Let me see that. 24 00:00:52,314 --> 00:00:54,011 I'm gonna wash up for dinner. 25 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,941 You realize they're wrong. My return was flawless. 26 00:00:57,025 --> 00:00:59,285 I-It's four dollars. Forget it. 27 00:00:59,369 --> 00:01:01,042 But they're saying I made a mistake. 28 00:01:01,126 --> 00:01:04,549 You also got us a nice refund. You did a great job. 29 00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:06,573 I appreciated my mother's love, 30 00:01:06,657 --> 00:01:08,143 but what a boy really craves 31 00:01:08,227 --> 00:01:11,838 is the unconditional approval of a government agency. 32 00:01:12,725 --> 00:01:15,917 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 33 00:01:16,001 --> 00:01:18,627 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain 34 00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:21,292 ♪ I bet I could be your hero 35 00:01:21,376 --> 00:01:24,703 ♪ I am a mighty little man 36 00:01:24,787 --> 00:01:27,852 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ *YOUNG SHELDON* 37 00:01:27,936 --> 00:01:29,936 *YOUNG SHELDON* Season 04 Episode 14 38 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,006 Episode Title: 00:01:38,776 Yippee-Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon. 40 00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:41,653 Wait, who is Mr. Falcon? 41 00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:42,822 No one. 42 00:01:42,906 --> 00:01:44,308 Then why'd he say it? 43 00:01:44,392 --> 00:01:46,580 Well, in the real version, he said a bad word, 44 00:01:46,664 --> 00:01:48,671 but they had to change it for TV. 45 00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:50,461 TV is so lame. 46 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,349 What did he really say? 47 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,776 That's so much better. 48 00:01:56,888 --> 00:01:59,163 This movie works on a lot of levels. 49 00:01:59,247 --> 00:02:02,041 Dad, I reviewed the tax return and I was right. 50 00:02:02,173 --> 00:02:04,545 They're the ones who made the mistake. 51 00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:06,564 Uh... What are you doing? 52 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,807 Writing a check to the IRS. 53 00:02:08,891 --> 00:02:10,464 But we don't owe them anything. 54 00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:12,298 They're claiming that I underreported our income, 55 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,736 but I can prove that they're wrong. 56 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:15,217 It's not worth picking a fight with them 57 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,439 over a few bucks. 58 00:02:16,523 --> 00:02:18,311 Just let me call them, I can sort this out. 59 00:02:18,395 --> 00:02:21,181 Just drop it, we don't want to get on their radar. 60 00:02:21,265 --> 00:02:23,056 But if you send that check, it's like admitting 61 00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:24,705 I made a mistake when I didn't. 62 00:02:24,789 --> 00:02:28,424 Sheldon, sometimes being right isn't the most important thing. 63 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,736 I'm glad you feel that way, because, boy, are you wrong. 64 00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,861 We're done talking about this. 65 00:02:36,361 --> 00:02:39,557 And there he goes, wrong again. 66 00:02:41,802 --> 00:02:44,728 I'll have the rib eye, medium rare. 67 00:02:44,812 --> 00:02:45,904 And for you? 68 00:02:45,988 --> 00:02:48,346 Uh, just the house salad, please. 69 00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:50,244 Very good. 70 00:02:50,332 --> 00:02:51,899 House salad? 71 00:02:51,983 --> 00:02:53,314 You watching your figure? 72 00:02:53,398 --> 00:02:55,002 I have a physical tomorrow. 73 00:02:55,086 --> 00:02:59,033 Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now? 74 00:02:59,119 --> 00:03:00,416 Can't hurt. 75 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,986 It ain't gonna undo 70 years of red meat and beer. 76 00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:05,330 I'm not trying to undo it, 77 00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:08,119 I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce. 78 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,564 Son of a Mitch. 79 00:03:13,648 --> 00:03:15,127 Melissa Cooper. 80 00:03:15,211 --> 00:03:16,837 What? I said "Mitch." 81 00:03:16,921 --> 00:03:18,423 There's nothing wrong with that. 82 00:03:18,507 --> 00:03:20,994 But you meant another word. 83 00:03:21,078 --> 00:03:23,146 I'm sorry, what other word? 84 00:03:23,529 --> 00:03:24,796 Just watch it. 85 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,220 Hold on. So you're saying if I have a friend 86 00:03:27,305 --> 00:03:28,393 whose dad's name is Mitch, 87 00:03:28,478 --> 00:03:30,322 I'm not allowed to talk about him? 88 00:03:30,623 --> 00:03:32,198 I know what you're doing. 89 00:03:32,282 --> 00:03:35,158 Okay, I just feel bad for my friend. 90 00:03:35,242 --> 00:03:37,725 That poor son of a Mitch. 91 00:03:37,809 --> 00:03:39,787 Melissa Cooper. 92 00:03:41,794 --> 00:03:43,080 How's that salad? 93 00:03:43,164 --> 00:03:46,155 It sucks. How's your steak? 94 00:03:46,239 --> 00:03:47,845 You know how they overcook it sometimes 95 00:03:47,929 --> 00:03:49,572 - so it's a little bit dry? - Uh-huh. 96 00:03:49,656 --> 00:03:51,985 Not this time. T's so good. 97 00:03:52,502 --> 00:03:54,701 You know what else is good? 98 00:03:55,086 --> 00:03:56,673 This radish. 99 00:03:56,757 --> 00:03:58,533 - Would you like some steak? - Yes. 100 00:03:58,617 --> 00:04:00,330 Then you probably should've ordered some. 101 00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,750 It's delicious. 102 00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:04,260 You are not a very nice lady. 103 00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:06,322 Mmm. 104 00:04:10,191 --> 00:04:13,018 Psst. Hey-a, kid. 105 00:04:13,190 --> 00:04:15,368 Who is it? 106 00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:19,128 It's me. The envelope with the IRS check. 107 00:04:20,809 --> 00:04:22,127 What do you want? 108 00:04:22,311 --> 00:04:23,798 You can't let him send me. 109 00:04:23,882 --> 00:04:25,104 You didn't make a mistake. 110 00:04:25,188 --> 00:04:27,151 Oh, I know that, but it's too late. 111 00:04:27,235 --> 00:04:30,541 It's not. The check isn't due for 30 days. 112 00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:31,627 So? 113 00:04:31,711 --> 00:04:33,825 Just go in the kitchen and take me off the pile. 114 00:04:33,909 --> 00:04:37,092 Buy yourself some time to straighten this out. 115 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:39,685 But tampering with the mail is a federal offense. 116 00:04:39,769 --> 00:04:43,050 I'm not mail yet. I'm not in the mailbox. 117 00:04:43,134 --> 00:04:44,802 That's the law. 118 00:04:45,046 --> 00:04:47,064 But what if my dad notices you're missing? 119 00:04:47,148 --> 00:04:50,435 Do it after he leaves for work. He'll never know. 120 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,075 That's brilliant. 121 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:55,841 I'm not real, so technically, you thought of it. 122 00:04:56,061 --> 00:04:57,859 That makes more sense. 123 00:04:58,911 --> 00:05:00,921 The next morning, I patiently waited 124 00:05:01,005 --> 00:05:03,405 for my father to leave for work. 125 00:05:06,225 --> 00:05:08,210 Are you leaving for work? 126 00:05:08,780 --> 00:05:09,874 Yeah? 127 00:05:09,958 --> 00:05:11,601 See you. Bye. 128 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,851 Bye. 129 00:05:26,673 --> 00:05:28,114 I leapt into action. 130 00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:30,554 My heart was pounding. 131 00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:33,507 I don't know what kind of bladder control 132 00:05:33,591 --> 00:05:34,546 professional spies have, 133 00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:37,585 but this first-timer needed to pee pronto. 134 00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,342 Now that I had prevented my dad from saying 135 00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:44,820 I made a mistake, it was time to get the IRS to admit theirs. 136 00:05:44,904 --> 00:05:46,670 IRS, Agent Green speaking. 137 00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:48,700 Hello, my name is Sheldon Cooper. 138 00:05:48,784 --> 00:05:50,202 Forgive me for cutting right to the chase, 139 00:05:50,286 --> 00:05:52,400 but I'm outside and my skin is incredibly fair. 140 00:05:52,484 --> 00:05:54,663 Okay, how can I help you? 141 00:05:54,747 --> 00:05:56,578 You sent my family a bill saying we owe 142 00:05:56,662 --> 00:05:59,233 an additional four dollars and 22 cents, but you're mistaken. 143 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,060 I filed a flawless return. 144 00:06:01,144 --> 00:06:03,324 I'm sorry, how old are you? 145 00:06:03,408 --> 00:06:05,064 That seems irrelevant, but I'm 11. 146 00:06:05,148 --> 00:06:07,670 Your parents let an 11-year-old file their federal tax return? 147 00:06:07,754 --> 00:06:10,960 This year. Two years ago, they let a nine-year-old do it. 148 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:14,280 Look, these tax codes are complicated. 149 00:06:14,396 --> 00:06:15,423 If you only made 150 00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:17,968 a four dollar mistake, that's pretty impressive. 151 00:06:18,052 --> 00:06:20,575 I didn't make a mistake at all. You did. 152 00:06:22,035 --> 00:06:23,648 - Is that so? - Yes. 153 00:06:23,732 --> 00:06:26,912 But don't feel bad, these tax codes are complicated. 154 00:06:26,996 --> 00:06:28,626 Uh-huh. 155 00:06:30,074 --> 00:06:33,186 Okay, I've got your file right here, and, uh, 156 00:06:34,372 --> 00:06:36,226 looks like you underreported your income. 157 00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:38,577 Actually, if you check under charitable donations, 158 00:06:38,661 --> 00:06:40,648 you'll notice that the money we made 159 00:06:40,732 --> 00:06:42,327 at the garage sale did not count as taxable income 160 00:06:42,411 --> 00:06:44,554 because we donated it to the church. 161 00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,967 Well, I'll, uh, I'll have a look into that. 162 00:06:48,051 --> 00:06:50,124 In the future, you might consider doing that 163 00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:51,459 before you send out the letter. 164 00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:53,330 So how does this work? 165 00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:56,045 Do you apologize now, do I get it in writing? 166 00:06:57,224 --> 00:06:58,447 It's no big deal. 167 00:06:58,531 --> 00:07:00,124 It's a colonoscopy. 168 00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:01,469 So? So, 169 00:07:01,553 --> 00:07:04,109 one of those words means "colon," and the other means 170 00:07:04,193 --> 00:07:05,777 "shoving a camera up it." 171 00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:08,695 Mm. I'm surprised you need one. 172 00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:10,320 Did you tell him about the salad? 173 00:07:10,404 --> 00:07:11,648 It's not funny. 174 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,655 Stop being such a baby. 175 00:07:13,739 --> 00:07:17,500 Something I have pushed out of my body. You can do this. 176 00:07:17,584 --> 00:07:19,720 Wait, wait, I got an idea. 177 00:07:19,804 --> 00:07:21,647 Why don't we do it together? 178 00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,249 What? 179 00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:24,678 No. Come on. 180 00:07:24,762 --> 00:07:26,565 It'll be romantic. 181 00:07:27,465 --> 00:07:28,647 You're weird. 182 00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:30,859 - Hey, kids. - What the hell? 183 00:07:30,943 --> 00:07:32,515 Why are we getting audited? 184 00:07:32,599 --> 00:07:34,944 What? Are you sure it doesn't say "applauded"? 185 00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:36,431 Perhaps for a job well done? 186 00:07:36,515 --> 00:07:38,163 We're being audited for the last three years 187 00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:39,632 of our tax returns. 188 00:07:39,779 --> 00:07:40,920 I don't get it. 189 00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:42,864 I mailed in that check a week ago. 190 00:07:43,044 --> 00:07:45,180 About that. I can explain. 191 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,070 - Sheldon? - I just needed some time 192 00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:48,717 to prove there were no errors in my work. 193 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,178 What did you do? 194 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:51,317 I took the check 195 00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:52,921 - before Mom mailed it. - What? 196 00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,147 But I called the IRS and sorted things out. 197 00:07:55,231 --> 00:07:56,583 Clearly you didn't. 198 00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:58,517 I told you to let it go. 199 00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,110 I'm sorry. 200 00:08:00,194 --> 00:08:02,070 This could end up costing us a fortune. 201 00:08:02,154 --> 00:08:03,823 - I can fix it. - No. 202 00:08:04,097 --> 00:08:06,059 I'm gonna hire an accountant and have him handle it right. 203 00:08:06,144 --> 00:08:08,877 - But I want to help. - You've helped enough. 204 00:08:08,961 --> 00:08:10,632 Go to your room. 205 00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:13,329 Yes, sir. 206 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,514 I feel bad beating you like this after you bought me drinks. 207 00:08:25,598 --> 00:08:26,726 Okay, I tell you what. 208 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,267 You want to make it more interesting? 209 00:08:28,351 --> 00:08:29,945 - Sure. - Okay, how about this? 210 00:08:30,029 --> 00:08:33,011 If I win, you get a colonoscopy with me. 211 00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,826 God, are you still on this? 212 00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:36,081 Come on, why not? 213 00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:37,420 'Cause I don't wanna. 214 00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:40,023 Well, I don't wanna, either, but my doctor said I got to. 215 00:08:40,107 --> 00:08:42,483 Well, my doctor didn't say nothing. 216 00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:43,984 When was the last time you saw him? 217 00:08:44,068 --> 00:08:45,762 I don't know, it's been a while. 218 00:08:45,846 --> 00:08:48,335 Yeah, well, like, "six months" a while, 219 00:08:48,419 --> 00:08:50,115 - "Watergate" a while? - Drop it. 220 00:08:50,199 --> 00:08:53,491 Uh, last time you saw him, were they using leeches? 221 00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:55,882 I'm about to take this pool cue 222 00:08:55,966 --> 00:08:57,756 and beat your doctor to the punch. 223 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,820 Oh. That long, huh? 224 00:08:59,904 --> 00:09:02,649 Look, all I'm saying is you could use a checkup. 225 00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:04,869 I feel fine. Okay. 226 00:09:04,953 --> 00:09:07,349 At your age, there's nothing wrong with going in... 227 00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:08,829 I'm not going to the doctor, 228 00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:10,053 so just... 229 00:09:10,137 --> 00:09:12,171 mind your own business. 230 00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:15,671 ♪ The Texas honky-tonk blues. 231 00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:18,717 Why didn't you eat with us? 232 00:09:18,801 --> 00:09:21,305 I'm not hungry. Dad's mad at me. 233 00:09:21,389 --> 00:09:22,916 Mom's not thrilled with me, either. 234 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,507 Why? 235 00:09:24,794 --> 00:09:26,421 Mom made chicken, 236 00:09:26,505 --> 00:09:28,226 and I said chickens cluck a lot, 237 00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,077 so they should be called "cluckers." 238 00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,984 And some chickens are moms, 239 00:09:32,068 --> 00:09:33,274 so you could call them "mother..." 240 00:09:33,358 --> 00:09:34,648 I don't care. 241 00:09:34,732 --> 00:09:36,006 Mom sure did. 242 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:37,365 What did you do wrong? 243 00:09:37,449 --> 00:09:40,077 I got Dad in trouble with the IRS. 244 00:09:40,161 --> 00:09:41,273 He has to hire an accountant, 245 00:09:41,357 --> 00:09:43,467 which could cost us a lot of money. 246 00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:46,121 Dang, makes me not want to have kids. 247 00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:50,746 Hello. 248 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,423 Well, hey. 249 00:09:52,507 --> 00:09:53,686 Well, you missed it. 250 00:09:53,770 --> 00:09:56,030 Some old broad went nuts over there 251 00:09:56,114 --> 00:09:58,413 and threw her pool cue on the table. 252 00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,484 - She's crazy. - Mm. 253 00:10:00,569 --> 00:10:01,897 Sorry. 254 00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:04,371 Well, you're not a fan of doctors, huh? 255 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,452 They never have good news. 256 00:10:06,536 --> 00:10:09,547 They just want to find something wrong. 257 00:10:09,779 --> 00:10:11,663 It's kind of their job. 258 00:10:11,747 --> 00:10:13,515 If something's wrong with me, 259 00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:15,553 I don't want to know about it. 260 00:10:15,677 --> 00:10:16,883 That's dumb. 261 00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:18,295 No, it's not. 262 00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:20,749 If I'm gonna drop dead, I'd rather do it quick 263 00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:22,865 and leave lookin' good. 264 00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:24,710 I want to live so long 265 00:10:24,794 --> 00:10:27,054 I start looking like a mummy. 266 00:10:27,138 --> 00:10:28,416 You're off to a strong start. 267 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,615 Hey. 268 00:10:30,972 --> 00:10:33,435 My husband went to the doctor. 269 00:10:33,919 --> 00:10:35,336 And they found something. 270 00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,251 Two days later, he was in surgery. 271 00:10:37,335 --> 00:10:39,313 Nine months later, he was dead. 272 00:10:40,309 --> 00:10:41,809 Geez. 273 00:10:43,057 --> 00:10:45,252 I don't want that. 274 00:10:46,692 --> 00:10:48,670 And I, I don't want 275 00:10:48,754 --> 00:10:51,415 to put anybody else through that. 276 00:10:51,574 --> 00:10:52,971 I'm sorry. 277 00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:54,554 Mm. 278 00:10:55,406 --> 00:10:57,445 I hope you stick around long enough 279 00:10:57,529 --> 00:10:59,382 to start looking like a mummy, too. 280 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:02,038 I always pictured myself 281 00:11:02,122 --> 00:11:04,170 more the Bride of Frankenstein type. 282 00:11:04,254 --> 00:11:06,576 Well, you got the hair for it. 283 00:11:11,469 --> 00:11:12,827 So how's it look? 284 00:11:12,911 --> 00:11:14,680 Do I owe a lot of money? I don't have a lot of money. 285 00:11:14,764 --> 00:11:16,872 Mm-hmm, I can see that. 286 00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,567 Who did these? 287 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,619 Why? 288 00:11:21,790 --> 00:11:23,064 Is it that bad? 289 00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:24,663 They're impeccable. 290 00:11:24,747 --> 00:11:25,842 Oh... 291 00:11:25,926 --> 00:11:27,227 Actually, it was my son. 292 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,898 Well, why don't you just use him for the audit? 293 00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:31,765 He's 11. 294 00:11:32,477 --> 00:11:34,139 An 11-year-old did these? 295 00:11:34,223 --> 00:11:35,592 Actually, he might've been nine at the time. 296 00:11:35,676 --> 00:11:37,498 I'm not good with birthdays. 297 00:11:42,129 --> 00:11:43,467 Hey. 298 00:11:43,622 --> 00:11:45,061 Hello. 299 00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:46,467 Playing with your trains? 300 00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:47,973 I'm punishing myself by looking at them, 301 00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,125 but not allowing myself to run them. 302 00:11:50,254 --> 00:11:51,913 You don't have to punish yourself. 303 00:11:51,997 --> 00:11:53,980 Because you'd rather do it? That's fair. 304 00:11:54,064 --> 00:11:55,592 No. 305 00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:58,115 It's okay. I deserve it. 306 00:11:59,563 --> 00:12:01,123 Actually... 307 00:12:01,707 --> 00:12:03,921 I want you to represent us at the audit. 308 00:12:04,192 --> 00:12:05,600 But I messed everything up. 309 00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:07,230 You did. 310 00:12:07,473 --> 00:12:08,882 But I also know if anyone's smart enough 311 00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:10,569 to get us out of this, you are. 312 00:12:12,744 --> 00:12:14,654 Why'd you change your mind? 313 00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:16,747 No reason. 314 00:12:17,161 --> 00:12:18,513 What did the accountant say? 315 00:12:18,597 --> 00:12:19,740 Nothing. 316 00:12:19,824 --> 00:12:22,256 They said my returns were perfect, didn't they? 317 00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:26,148 Play with your trains. 318 00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,210 Why are you readin' the Bible? 319 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,693 I felt bad about last night, 320 00:12:34,777 --> 00:12:36,803 so I thought it might be good for me. 321 00:12:37,942 --> 00:12:39,241 Where are you going with this? 322 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,514 Nowhere, I just want to make you happy. 323 00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:43,444 Uh-huh. 324 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:44,913 "And the man increased 325 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:47,092 "exceedingly, and had much cattle, 326 00:12:47,176 --> 00:12:49,053 "and maidservants, and menservants, 327 00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:52,194 - and camels, and asses." - Okay. Stop. 328 00:12:52,278 --> 00:12:54,428 What? I'm just reading from Genesis. 329 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:57,130 - Well, cut it out. - Fine. 330 00:12:57,214 --> 00:12:58,977 Let's try Exodus. 331 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:02,123 "And on the seventh day thou shalt rest: 332 00:13:02,207 --> 00:13:05,052 That thine ox and thine ass may rest." 333 00:13:05,136 --> 00:13:06,599 That is it, you are grounded. 334 00:13:06,683 --> 00:13:07,913 For reading the Bible? 335 00:13:07,997 --> 00:13:10,475 The way you are doing it, yes. Go to your room. 336 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:11,763 Okay. 337 00:13:11,847 --> 00:13:13,085 I don't have a donkey. 338 00:13:13,169 --> 00:13:15,514 But if I did, I'd take my ass out of here. 339 00:13:15,778 --> 00:13:17,037 Hello. 340 00:13:17,121 --> 00:13:19,417 I'm George Cooper. This is my son Sheldon. 341 00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:21,491 Yes, we spoke on the phone. 342 00:13:21,575 --> 00:13:23,243 You look exactly like you sound. 343 00:13:23,327 --> 00:13:24,523 Not everybody does. 344 00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,672 - Should we get started? - Yes. 345 00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:30,451 I realize some people 346 00:13:30,535 --> 00:13:33,420 may find the ins and outs of tax law 347 00:13:33,504 --> 00:13:36,928 a little tedious, so allow me to spice this story up. 348 00:13:37,012 --> 00:13:40,522 Instead of an audit, imagine this is a showdown 349 00:13:40,606 --> 00:13:43,061 between two warriors in the most brutal 350 00:13:43,145 --> 00:13:45,733 and exciting form of combat there is... 351 00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:47,170 chess. 352 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,705 Am I the only one who just got chills? 353 00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:53,241 Let's start with the business deductions 354 00:13:53,325 --> 00:13:55,999 from Schedule A on the tax return dated 355 00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:57,655 1989. 356 00:13:57,739 --> 00:14:00,155 I know, bold opening move. 357 00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:02,131 Don't worry, I came to play. 358 00:14:02,215 --> 00:14:03,264 Happy to. 359 00:14:03,348 --> 00:14:05,311 I've got those receipts right here. 360 00:14:05,395 --> 00:14:06,988 Dated, highlighted... 361 00:14:07,072 --> 00:14:08,963 and itemized. 362 00:14:10,245 --> 00:14:11,748 Told you. 363 00:14:14,997 --> 00:14:17,717 For the next three hours, we battled it out. 364 00:14:17,801 --> 00:14:19,116 Two mighty brains 365 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,147 locked in mortal tax code combat. 366 00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:25,865 Justify this expense. 367 00:14:26,676 --> 00:14:29,248 Our AGI was less than 50,000. 368 00:14:29,394 --> 00:14:31,642 Improper classification. 369 00:14:31,726 --> 00:14:34,819 Rolled over from the previous fiscal year. 370 00:14:35,816 --> 00:14:38,710 The receipt has barbecue sauce on it. 371 00:14:38,973 --> 00:14:41,300 - Dad. - Sorry. 372 00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:46,988 So, you are remarkably well-versed 373 00:14:47,072 --> 00:14:48,065 in the tax code. 374 00:14:48,149 --> 00:14:49,111 Thank you. It's nice of you 375 00:14:49,195 --> 00:14:50,417 to do your parents' returns 376 00:14:50,501 --> 00:14:51,548 for free every year. 377 00:14:51,632 --> 00:14:52,768 Oh, I don't do it for free. 378 00:14:52,852 --> 00:14:55,616 My dad buys me a model train afterwards. 379 00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:57,463 Interesting. 380 00:14:57,977 --> 00:14:59,252 So you accept payment 381 00:14:59,336 --> 00:15:01,795 even though you're not a licensed tax professional? 382 00:15:04,832 --> 00:15:07,245 In clear violation of federal law. 383 00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:10,237 Check. 384 00:15:12,051 --> 00:15:14,737 I had walked right into his trap. 385 00:15:15,093 --> 00:15:17,721 Excuse me, I need to use the restroom. 386 00:15:22,307 --> 00:15:25,234 So, catch that Cowboys game last... 387 00:15:25,319 --> 00:15:26,628 - No. - Yeah. 388 00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:31,683 Ballard's. 389 00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:34,120 - Hello. - Hey, what's up? 390 00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:36,520 You'll be happy to know I went out and got a checkup. 391 00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:38,324 Fantastic. 392 00:15:38,469 --> 00:15:39,689 Yeah, great, just great. 393 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,816 And now you can shut up about it. 394 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,078 Well, how'd it go? 395 00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:44,645 Good news, bad news. 396 00:15:44,729 --> 00:15:47,323 - Uh-oh. - Good news is I'm fine. 397 00:15:47,407 --> 00:15:49,650 Well, now, isn't that comforting to know? 398 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,043 Don't be smug. 399 00:15:51,127 --> 00:15:52,669 So what's the bad news? 400 00:15:53,868 --> 00:15:56,065 He wants me to have a colonoscopy. 401 00:15:56,149 --> 00:15:57,096 Great! 402 00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:59,194 Oh, my gosh, we can do it together! 403 00:15:59,278 --> 00:16:01,225 Can't you just feel the romance? 404 00:16:01,309 --> 00:16:03,448 No, you weirdo. 405 00:16:07,837 --> 00:16:08,974 There you are. 406 00:16:09,058 --> 00:16:10,821 Hey, we're waiting on you. 407 00:16:11,173 --> 00:16:13,128 I want to go home. 408 00:16:13,399 --> 00:16:14,784 What are you talking about? 409 00:16:14,868 --> 00:16:15,981 We're not done yet. 410 00:16:16,065 --> 00:16:17,041 Yes, we are. 411 00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:18,667 I made a mistake that's gonna cost us 412 00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:20,794 a lot of money that we don't have. 413 00:16:20,878 --> 00:16:22,856 I feel so stupid. 414 00:16:26,165 --> 00:16:27,338 Hey. 415 00:16:27,885 --> 00:16:29,847 It's okay to feel stupid. 416 00:16:29,931 --> 00:16:31,146 No, it's not. 417 00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:33,690 It just means you're growing. 418 00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:35,987 If you don't look back and think you were dumb, 419 00:16:36,071 --> 00:16:38,448 then you, then you haven't learned anything. 420 00:16:38,961 --> 00:16:40,112 So what do we do? 421 00:16:40,196 --> 00:16:41,448 We get back in there. 422 00:16:41,532 --> 00:16:42,627 What if we lose? 423 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,964 Doesn't matter... win or lose, 424 00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:46,917 we don't give up, all right? 425 00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:47,972 Now let's get in there and show 'em 426 00:16:48,056 --> 00:16:49,534 what we're made of... What do you say? 427 00:16:49,618 --> 00:16:52,183 I've heard you give that exact same pep talk at football games. 428 00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:53,986 Well, I didn't have a special one prepared. 429 00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:55,246 That's all right. 430 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,276 I feel properly pepped. 431 00:17:03,977 --> 00:17:05,267 So... 432 00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,979 where were we? 433 00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:10,448 Check. 434 00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:14,623 It's true. 435 00:17:15,042 --> 00:17:16,666 I made a mistake. 436 00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:19,012 But my dad taught me that's okay. 437 00:17:21,012 --> 00:17:22,471 Wait. 438 00:17:22,696 --> 00:17:24,242 My dad's a teacher. 439 00:17:25,259 --> 00:17:28,182 Which means, my doing our taxes wasn't work for-hire, 440 00:17:28,266 --> 00:17:31,144 but an economics lesson he was teaching me. 441 00:17:32,808 --> 00:17:36,315 Therefore, the train he bought me wasn't payment 442 00:17:36,399 --> 00:17:38,690 for unlicensed work, it was a reward 443 00:17:38,774 --> 00:17:41,315 for successfully completing my lesson. 444 00:17:44,145 --> 00:17:46,128 So it does not violate the statute, 445 00:17:46,212 --> 00:17:48,981 and since the value of the train is less than $10,000, 446 00:17:49,065 --> 00:17:51,502 there's no additional gift tax. 447 00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:54,276 Checkmate. 448 00:18:04,008 --> 00:18:06,409 Well, I guess that wraps it up. 449 00:18:07,065 --> 00:18:09,097 Is it over? What happened? 450 00:18:09,181 --> 00:18:10,276 We won. 451 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,744 Wait, we don't owe anything? 452 00:18:11,828 --> 00:18:13,576 No, your returns are all in order. 453 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,025 Well done. 454 00:18:15,109 --> 00:18:16,318 Thank you. 455 00:18:16,402 --> 00:18:17,798 Your son's extremely intelligent. 456 00:18:17,882 --> 00:18:19,930 Yep. I hope you audit us next year, 457 00:18:20,014 --> 00:18:21,722 so I can run circles around you again. 458 00:18:21,806 --> 00:18:24,135 Until he says something stupid. Let's go. 459 00:18:32,274 --> 00:18:33,626 I can't believe we have to drink 460 00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:35,691 so much of that garbage. 461 00:18:35,891 --> 00:18:38,625 Well, the important thing is, we get to do it together, dear. 462 00:18:38,709 --> 00:18:41,426 You are so full of crap. 463 00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:45,109 Well, not for much longer. 464 00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:48,167 Excuse me, the festivities have begun. 465 00:18:48,251 --> 00:18:49,859 You're taking that whole thing with you? 466 00:18:49,943 --> 00:18:51,946 I'm gonna be a while. 467 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,180 Subtitles Synchronized by srjanapala